15. Why You Suck at Intimacy (and How To Do It Better) w/ Zat Baraka

Do you struggle to be genuinely vulnerable? Did you know intimacy with self is required for true intimacy with others? What’s the connection between self-awareness and life (love) mastery? Zat Baraka is a dear friend of mine. I first met him about 9 years ago in Los Angeles before he was a renowned men’s coach. It’s been fascinating to see behind the scenes of his journey from being a man already engaged in a decades-long Buddhist spiritual practice, to a renowned teacher and coach helping men, in particular, get out of our heads and live more fully connected to our own bodies, our emotions, so that we may live more connected to other men, to our friends and families, to our partners … to our lives. In fact, that’s what I most admire and appreciate about Zat, and our friendship, is that no matter what’s coming up between us – and we’ve had a few pretty intense moments of disagreement where I’ll be so bold as to say less wise men would have either killed each other or simply never spoken again – but no matter what it is, we’re always able to own our own emotions, our own stories, or we often say, our own shit, before trying to resolve the details of the conflict … and that mutual capacity has allowed our friendship, our respect and love for each other to consistently deepen. Zat models this practice beautifully, which in my experience, is essential for ANY relationship – intimate or otherwise – to truly thrive. In this episode, Zat and I explore what it really means to know yourself, in tangible, practical ways that actually make life – and love – better in most every way. Definitely stay tuned Zat’s 5 Key Takeaway’s at the end of this episode of Men, This Way … Alright … Let’s dive … SHOW NOTES 5:06 ~ The reason for being honest about how we are feeling 9:40 ~ Wisdom from parenting 14:03 ~ A significant early experience that played a fundamental role in shaping Zat as a man 17:45 ~ How early experiences shaped Zat’s challenges 22:06 ~ Why taking radical responsibility or ownership matters 26:22 ~ The best part about working with men 36:54 ~ The most challenging aspect of working with men 40:05 ~ The biggest challenge for men in intimate relationships 42:39 ~ The biggest challenge facing men today 45:46 ~ “5 KEY TAKEWAYS” FINALE 45:50 ~ KEY INSIGHT: Embrace your shadow 47:32 ~ KEY MENTOR: Pema Khandro Rinpoche. Tibetan Buddhist teacher, scholar and humanitarian. David Deida. Groundbreaking work in relationships 48:49 ~ KEY RESOURCE (most impactful, inspiring book, movie, podcast): “To Be A Man: A Guide to True Masculine Power” by Robert Augustus Masters (Book) 49:23 ~ KEY INVESTMENT (the best thing you spent money on, under $10,000): Going on retreat with a teacher 51:04 ~ KEY PRACTICE (7-day challenge to the men listening): Breathing practice, especially Zat’s Tantric Breathwork Meditation: Available at www.ZatBaraka.com/Mens-Toolbox – use complimentary code “bryan” OTHER LINKS AND RESOURCES Find Zat @ www.ZatBaraka.com