42 | Breaking Free of Narcissism: Mia Hanks on Escaping a 29-Year Marriage with a Narcissist

In this compelling episode of Mental Makeover Radio, Cecilia Mannella sits down with Mia Hanks, a survivor of narcissistic abuse and the author of the memoir Bride-Made. Mia shares her harrowing experience of being married to a covert narcissist for 29 years and the journey she undertook to reclaim her life. Mia discusses her sheltered upbringing, naivety, and how she fell into a relationship with a covert narcissist at a young age. Mia recounts early red flags, such as her ex-husband's lack of empathy when she was ill and his overreactions to minor issues. She describes the constant feeling of walking on eggshells and the psychological toll it took on her. The Complexity of Narcissism Narcissism vs. Selfishness: We discuss the difference between selfish behaviour and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), emphasizing that true narcissists are rarely self-aware or diagnosed. Spectrum of Narcissism: Mia and I talk about the spectrum of narcissism, from narcissistic traits to sociopathy and psychopathy. The Leaving Process Fear and Strategy: Mia discusses the fear of leaving, especially given her ex-husband's threats of self-harm, and the strategy she employed to leave gradually. She highlights the financial control her ex-husband exerted and the challenges it posed when she decided to leave. Health Impacts Mia describes the severe physical and mental health issues she faced due to the prolonged stress and abuse, including sleep deprivation, chronic pain, and anxiety attacks. Advice for Others Planning and Preparation: Mia offers practical advice for those looking to leave abusive relationships, such as stockpiling money, securing important documents, and keeping plans secret. We emphasize the importance of having a support system, whether it's friends, family, or a therapist. Healing and Moving Forward Therapy and Writing: Mia talks about her healing journey through therapy and writing her memoir, which provided her with validation and a new perspective on her experiences. Mia hopes her story will offer hope and guidance to others in similar situations. Links: Mia Hanks on TikTok: NPD and Me @npdandme  Grab Mia’s book Bride-Made  Time Stamps 00:00:02 - Introduction to Mental Makeover Radio 00:00:33 - Guest Introduction: Mia Hanks 00:01:12 - Mia's Background and Marriage History 00:02:00 - Early Red Flags in the Marriage 00:03:40 - The Naivety of Youth 00:04:21 - Recognizing the Signs of Narcissism 00:05:00 - Lack of Empathy and Walking on Eggshells 00:07:01 - Misconceptions About Narcissism 00:08:10 - Narcissism Spectrum and Sociopathy 00:10:09 - Fear and Challenges of Leaving 00:11:05 - Marriage Counseling Experience 00:12:07 - Emotional Manipulation in Therapy 00:14:04 - The Leaving Process 00:17:25 - Threats of Self-Harm 00:18:49 - Emotional Manipulation and Victimhood 00:21:09 - Physical and Mental Health Effects 00:23:20 - Chronic Pain and Sleep Deprivation 00:24:34 - The Slow Evolution of Abuse 00:26:12 - Financial Abuse and Control 00:28:30 - Planning to Leave: Financial Tips 00:33:11 - Practical Steps for Leaving 00:34:09 - Keeping Plans Secret 00:35:12 - The Cunning Nature of Narcissists 00:37:00 - Importance of Community and Support 00:38:10 - Why People Stay in Abusive Relationships 00:41:05 - Self-Compassion and Healing 00:41:17 - Co-Parenting and Healing Journey 00:42:33 - The Therapeutic Power of Writing 00:43:42 - Where to Find Mia Hanks and Her Book Resources: Connect with Cecilia Mannella on her Website  Let's get social Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/mentalmakeoverradio/⁠  Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/mentalmakeoverradio⁠  Disclaimer: The information provided in this podcast is for educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. Always consult with a qualified therapist or healthcare provider for personalized guidance.