A Wandering Mind's Moral Approach

What if your struggles with focus weren’t a moral failing, but simply a different rhythm—one that can be guided with care rather than shame? In this episode of *Rhythms of Focus*, we explore the well-worn path of self-blame that so many adults with ADHD and wandering minds know all too well. Together, we’ll consider how we can fall into the trap of “trying harder”, and how discover how agency and the practice of caring for our Future Selves can transform the way you organize your days.Key takeaways- Recognize how leveraging shame and self-criticism only deepens the cycle of overwhelm and guilt- Begin building a foundation of trust in your own rhythms, making it easier to release shame-based strategies and foster agencyThis episode also features an original piano composition, “Folktale.”Subscribe for more compassionate strategies for wandering minds, and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for resources and inspiration.Keywords#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #SelfCompassion #Agency #GentleFocus #CreativeRhythms #LetGoOfShame #TaskManagement #PianoMeditationTranscript"Maybe I was born lazy." "Maybe I just need to try harder. "Despite your best efforts, another deadline slipping by and a familiar wave of guilt and shame rolls in. Some of us double down, hoping that shame will help us do better next time, creating this ever- worsening cycle. But couldn't there be a better organizing force?The Cycle of Self-Blame and "Trying Harder" As wandering minds, we often consider our troubles moral in nature. Maybe we were somehow born lazy. If we could only muster more willpower discipline, we'd be fine. Holding things in mind harder, trying one list after the next, creating this sea of post-it notes blaring reminders in a barely balanced set of files on the desktop-- all have this way of collapsing into piles of incomplete projects and missed opportunities, each resonating more shame. Just trying harder is like someone who's nearsighted is trying to see better by wanting to. It doesn't work and often leaves the ceiling worse, like squinting until we get headaches.Often the world around us doesn't recognize this sense we have of this Magnified Now that I described earlier in this series. They never experience what that could possibly mean-- this Magnified Now. And they view these collisions and misplacements that we get into as motivationally- based. The conclusion is that we are morally flawed. We hear some version of, "If you really cared, you wouldn't forget!" We hear that from others, and as we internalize it, we hear it from ourselves.And so once again, we muster up the courage and try again. With every error, we yell louder. Not only through self recrimination, but in the seas of sticky notes and the reminders and how we write our tasks and where we write them and demands and all caps and bold and saying, "Do homework!" "Write the report!" "Do the thing!" as well as the angry questions that follow, like "Why can't you just do it?"Maybe if we yelled at ourselves enough, that'll fix the problem. Leveraging ShameIn other words, we leverage shame. The trouble is it can work. For example, let's say you miss an appointment. "Well, next week I shouldn't miss that appointment because I'm going to feel bad enough to remember." But let's say you missed that one. "Well, now I'm just gonna feel worse and that'll do it."And now if it works well, you've just reinforced that you just needed to feel bad enough.The trouble is that leveraging shame beyond the major pain it inflict on ourselves, injures us further. We now not only have feelings of guilt and shame, but also this constant worry of gathering more...