Ep. 11 Love and Attachment

All we need is love, right? In modern dating things have gotten really interesting. I recently scanned the dating apps and saw A LOT of really familiar faces. I very quickly deleted the apps because that style of connection doesn't resonate with me and never really has. As I've done the inner work and took the deep dive into personal development and relationship dynamics, I quickly had a realization that changed the way I viewed starting relationships or rather it brought me back to my goals, values, and standards for a relationship with me and what that actually looks like. I was a teenager in the late 1900's and we did things like talk on the phone and had to wait a week to see each other with no conversation in between. Can you imagine!!! Not having any connection from the time, you set a date to the time you had the date??? That's unheard of today. Instead, we text 24 / 7 and have whole conversations all the while creating the meaning behind those messages in our heads. You don't even know this person yet. It gives a false sense of intimacy and closeness, but it's built off of your own emotions and meaning. We have lost the art of connection. So many people now will avoid a phone call because it makes them feel a certain way but THAT is connection! They prefer to text, private message, chat, or snap but the emotion that brings up isn't real. That's emotion you are assigning to that experience and that person based on your past experiences. They make you laugh via a meme that they didn't create or put any effort into, yet we will create the story about that person in our heads that they are funny. The meme is funny, they may end up only being slightly funny, or even not funny at all! They just know what makes them laugh and thought it would make you laugh as well. So in a way, you are connecting, and they acknowledge what is funny to you but still there is low to no effort being exerted. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Do you know your goals, values, and standards for a relationship? Have you taken the time to write down what you are looking for? Have you take the time to do the inner work so you can become ALL of those things yourself? A few key takeaways to remember Your attachment style isn't fixed. You can heal your attachment style Professional help, coaching, and other modalities are available to help you heal Take what resonates with you and leave what doesn't The key to healing is Self-Love, learning to trust yourself, and learning to let go of what no longer serves you! Make sure you check out my links below for all my other content! https://stan.store/Jbirdfit Additional Resources: Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller The Power of Attachment by Diane Heller It's Not Me It's You By John Kim The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest The Origins of You by Vienna Pharaon