145. How to Coach Yourself Through Hard Times

Nobody saw it coming. Little did I know, before filming September’s Coffee With Coach, something was going to happen that would turn my life upside down. I’m not trying to be cryptic or coy, but it was something that affected me deeply on a personal level.    I showed up to the stream with no makeup and wet hair because I just couldn’t make those things happen that day. I didn’t have the time, energy, or focus. But I’ll always show up when I say I’m going to show up.  I decided to coach myself live, which was scary, but I did it. It’s been a month, but I’m still going through that experience. It isn’t my story to tell, but I do want to share how I’m coaching myself through it daily. (You can watch Coach’s Confession: Last Week Was Awful https://youtu.be/KnAXyEtpEPg) Because it’s the hardest days that challenge you to your core — the days that feel like you’re going to get sucked under — that will show you who you really are.  It starts with our thoughts. They can change our entire mood. If you find yourself lost in a spiral of thoughts — say you had a fight with someone you love a lot and you get to talking to them in your head to vent — interrupt yourself. That entire experience is in your head and is being led by your thoughts. Stop the spiral. Clap your hands, ask yourself out loud how many burgers you could eat in five minutes if someone paid you a million dollars. Seriously. It’s not a new concept, it’s called pattern interrupting. Every time you relive that experience, your body goes through it too. The more you retell the story, you more you put yourself back where you started. The tears, that feeling in the pit of your stomach — it all comes back.  And then we ruminate. So, you really want to notice how you are thinking and also WHY you’re focusing on this. (For me, this is really challenging, because in this current circumstance, my brain wants to trick me into thinking I can fix it. And I can’t. My logical brain knows that’s not true.) And here’s the thing; thoughts are sticky. I was listening to a guided meditation the other day, and that’s what the person said. Thoughts are sticky. (It made me think of rubber cement. Do you all remember that? You could cover your fingers in the sticky mess, but you could pull it.) I pictured being able to pull my thoughts out of my head and get them away from me so I could focus on the task at hand. I don’t say that to deny the experience or pretend not to feel the emotions we have. We need to do feel things. But life goes on. We will always get the call. The bad news will surface. It can happen to any one of us, but it's not an excuse to stop all of life. We need to mourn; we may need to take care of things. We need to recognize the rest of life isn't stopping — as much as we feel like it should. It just doesn't. We need to take care of ourselves.   Remember to take care of your body — drink water, eat healthy food, and sleep. Remember to communicate when you need to take time off or step away.  So, on the daily, I am asking myself what my thoughts are, and I'm asking myself what I want to focus on, and I'm checking in on my physical well-being. Here are key questions to ask yourself: If my highest self put this challenge in my way, why would she have done that? As we’re looking at focus, thoughts, and beliefs, what could you believe about that? How can I be really good during these hard times? How can I be really proud of how I dealt with this, as painful or as harrowing as it is? You will not be defined by WHAT you get through, but HOW you get through it. (And please do not confuse this for toxic positivity. The “everything happens for a reason” mentality is harmful.) Recognize the pain and humanity and the grief that comes sometimes when life is shocking.  And then the last question to ask is: Who needs me today? Sometimes that moment of a break of focus on us can give us a chance to breathe. I will be honest — throughout this exact experience I'm having right now, I have not had the energy to ask that question. Instead, I've asked, “What do I need today?” These are the questions I think we can pause and ask ourselves so that, no matter what's happening out there in the world, we can still show up as our very, very best selves. I know life is not always easy; please know I’m here with you. Other Game On Girlfriend podcast episodes you might want to check out:  Why Your Emotions Are the Key to Your Success: https://sarahwalton.com/emotions-success/  Why Anger Is My Favorite Emotion: https://sarahwalton.com/anger/ 2 Reasons You Can’t Focus and the No. 1 Question to Ask Yourself: https://youtu.be/peX4a_MfjEQ  How Do I Find Work-Life Balance? : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mt2ItSiEQSw  You can check out our podcast interviews on YouTube, too! http://bit.ly/YouTubeSWalton   Learn more about your host by visiting www.sarahwalton.com