27/27

This isn't funny anymore Everything is Skrillex And nothing is Skrillex Everything is asinine And no one is Sonny Extraordinary sightseeing Nothing is normal Everywhere to escape to With a guilty conscience Bad credit karma Bad regrets and sad faces Always falling in love with our opposites More of the bad things, Less in good graces Everyone's a DJ I'm just a blind space kid A recruit wishing to be a cadet A teenager in the basement with a Two Tom drum set And no kickdrum Caught inside a snare pattern Lips stitched together like a scarescrow Or a raggedy Annie Caught in a psychic state of trance Look, I don't give a fuck. Or a shit. Or a Goddamn what really happens next. I live in a world where crop tops and a snatched waist, glamourous pictures and videos of anybody pretty doing anything gets attention; and not just attention--moneyary advantage. I'm fat, and black--i have to work 100 times as hard and be 1000 times as smart as anybody cute with a fucking camera phone and half a brain to get noticed. And why do I want to be noticed? Because I'm a prime example of what happens when NOBODY gives an actual shit about you your entire life, and all you exist for is to serve other people. I'm completely disposable, completely replaceable, and completely unrarkable in every single sense of those words, respectively, and--maybw not infinitely-- but I definitely in this lifetime. Have you been on the internet lately? Have you seen a music video? Watched any movies? You show me ONE media phenomenon with a protagonist that looks like me--ONE representation of "my type"-- and I mean a positive representation; one that predictively programs individuals to think I might be worth something more than a laugh or eggaerated stereotype, before I open my mouth. Go ahead. I'll wait. … Right. Because--and it's not like you didn't know this--i live in hell. Maybe, I wasn't born in it--who really knows? But I've been here most my life, at least as far back as I can remember because hey; what's infantile amnesia, and why doesn't mine work like everybody else's? And oh, right--synestesia? Everybody has that, right? I guess so. And HEY, I might be the most disgusting individual in the world if I take off my clothes--but who doesn't love a rave right? A RAVE. WHICH, IF YOU HAVENT NOTICED IS NO LONGER JUST A DANCE PARTY, BUT A SEX-BASED FASHIONED SHOW, to which, I look ridiculous coming to, with my midriff out. So, you want to be like everyone else? No. I want to look like everyone else; so that it's actually noticable when I do something great, or hey, even if I do something mediocre, or senseless, people love it--cause hey, she's hot. You just want to be hot? Fuck yes I want to be hot. That's it. That's literally the entirety of meaning for a female in this, present day and age; and anyone who can try to argue against that is probably great looking. When you're hot, you don't have to do anything else; someone is always going to be wking--even begging-- or paying to do it for you. Intelligence at that point is just a bonus; anybody whose going to like you is going to like you no matter what you say or do; in fact you're more than likely to get away with doing dumb, senseless shit if you're doing it in a bikini--and anybody who doesn't like you is more than likely jealous--unless you're just a shitty person, which trust me, I get is the case for a lot of barbie dolls out there but; you can't be a fat, ugly, angry shitty person and get far in life--at some point you have to adjust your attitude for everyone not to hate you--the opposite stands for beautiful people. You can pretty much do anything, if you look good doing it. So...you want to be a shitty person. No. I'm already not. But I'd rather continue burning in hell "forever" than start over and be in the same predicament. So? So. I'm already in hell. I can't wear what I want. I can't date who I want. I can't listen to what I want. I have no friends. And nothing--nothing I do; no matter how much I pray, or meditate, or fast--nothing is going to take this body who nobody wants--and make it beautiful, except money. I will never have enough money, no matter how hard I work, to fix this--or any of the other fucked up shit in my life-- Not with that attitude! THIS IS MY ATTITUDE AFTER TRYING. Its been 27 years of this shit. 27 years of being the last to be picked, 27 years of being the weakest link. And I'd literally rather die at this point than to keep moving forward in this monotony, thinking that just thinking is going to one day just cure my ADD. That it's going to make my mother believe in me. That it's going to suddenly just, up and fix my life in all the ways i--believe me--already tried to fi If walls could talk, They probably wouldn't still, Just stand in shock and awe And If I could, I wouldn't walk through walls at all, Because I'd fall, And if I had your number, I'd do anything but call, I'd wait for you to, just assuming if you loved me That we wouldn't even need a phone to talk, No need to call, you're right beside me Loving al the fatal flaws, I try to hide, But there's no hiding When you really are in love Between my thighs, a lie A snakebite, scars I hate So thanks, I really haven't changed at all This heart, as heavy as it's going to be has everything i'll ever need, So leave me, just leave quietly I'm almost sleeping, almost dreaming Almost leaving everything behind But I'm reminded why I wish the world was colorblind And just the way that I can't like What my eyes don't find to be Aligned with what attractive means Might be the way you think of me Or anybody, really, But i'm supposed to be this independent goddess With the confidence of not a single molecule The hottest, not by far, or even father I just want to have a family, I just want to raise a daughter And another, and it's awful Poverty is all but lost And everybody thinks that everything's just supposed to be this “Oh, that's just the way it is”, But really they're just stuck on What is “Stupid”? Stupid means to just do everything For nothing and if “unfair” Means “I gpt iit from my” Whatever inheritance is. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.