I Said,

Are you as ready to die As I am As ready to cry As I am Ready to try As I am To just dissappear— —to just disappear from here. I AM SO CONDFUSED. What just happened? I don't know. Who was that?! Me, I guess What the fuck. Okay. It had taken me this long to realize I just wanted to be alone; I was finally scheduled at kream, where I could sing and and really give into whatever might have been called OCD, aligning the store's products and just be with myself, whoever that was; I had chosen to stay planted in LA at least for the moment. As running to Mexico or even further south of it, my only affordable options other than staying, slaving away at the job I needed now more than liked or loved—but it had at least, at first anyway, been inspiriting—and now, after having again fasted and feasted, I was relieved just to be needed enough that the previous night's mishap—a scheduling error exasperated by the fast and the lesson that came with it; that the grotesque and raw masqulinity that had been represented and repeated throughout my progressions were in fact disturbing; I think I'm just tired I think I just need to cry my eyes out Or try dying The dying my mind, right On time but he never arrived When I lost my mind, I Opened my mind's eye Now I can't find my Limelight Suicide, the idol Please don't mind me I'm just trying to remind me To mind my Business And it's really just business And it's really just windows, That open to different dimensions Like doors or perception Or should I just mention That I wasn't finished; I wanted to live again (So I did) I wanted to die again (It's infinite) And to figure, Right on 6th and Fig, There's just no difference in indifference To live in this city, You start missing Dimensions shifting So quickly You're just getting into it; Then everything's different, Attention is given to misfits, Gifted— But twisted enough To not give a fuck about suffering, Just another 8, No breaks More bacon Thankful for days I can say “Hey, I'm laying in bed” Or a negative message; I don't keep phones in my hand when I'm resting Neglecting my needs for a check All I need is respect, Or a weapon, A shot to the head Or a lesson I don't take requests, Just forget that I can't make an edit For a second Just listen to this record, Okay, kid? Amen You're too pretentious; “Religious*”, I corrected him, rigouroualy “I'm an alien related to Skrillex” Forget the script Forget the prescriptions Cause all that I've written Just sits in this infinite Mess of google documents I guess I'm just a mockery I guess I'm not admitted to Exchange to play— They didn't want the sticker at the entrance Honestly, I'm earning every penny, He said, “Every day I'm winning” But I didn't get it, I was busy cleaning up his kitchen SUNNI BLU tosses back another can of BUD LIGHT in record time. (literally) Lol s/he broke a world record for drinking beer? Yes. A literal world record. Yes. *crushes can on head* Ugh. I have a headache. I wonder Why. Give me another one. Are you serious? A tall one. I'm not giving you a tall one. You don't have to give me a tall one, i can get it myself— Then get it yourself. You're fuckin fired *cracks open another can. * Where did you get that? —at your mom's house. My mom doesn't drink— [finishes, breaks another world record] Another world record, really? Bet. —NO, but she gets me a FUCKIN BEER WHEN I ASK FOR IT, GODDAMIT. Oh my God, Sunni. THIS SHITS LIKE WATER. When was the last time you even had water? Exactly 27 days ago. How are you even alive? I'm not. Ugh, this again. *belches* —bitch . This—fuckin—infinitely— Sunni— It's forever. —Sunni, you're not dead— You're just reckless, Way too rich, What's “too rich?” *belch* UGH. No such thing —and probably an alcoholic— “Probably?” That's your—fuckin—conclusion? I mean— Mor—*belches* Morgan. Oh, you got my name right— Morgan. I just broke the world record in beer guzzling twice in a row—*hiccups* Right now. Are you sure? Just sitting—-here. Look: Is this streaming?! Yeah, it's live. On which platform? You name it. UGH—SUNNI, NO! Say hi to Marley, everyone—light up that chat with emojis and shit. Turn this off! NO! [MORGAN disconnects the internet] AW, WHAT THE FUCK, HO? STOP DOING THIS. I need a shot! To the face! [SUNNI stares Into her soul] I want you out of my house. You're fired. I want you out of my life. I just gave you permission to leave. Sunni— —and entitlement to unemployment benefits. I'm legally bound to “supervise” you. Actually, you know what? What, sunni? Stay. I like you. Oh, so I'm not fired No, you're still fired. Now we can have tequila— —no hard liquor! You're off the clock. I'm never off the clock. —-and for the fuck of it (Because, I love you, whoever you are) I once wrote this song, (Or a psalm) Not nostalgic, but still relevant— Talks of bawling on the clock, Rocking back and forth, And the world is out of order, Over the border it's even worse— Above and Below, You can know what you know, But I'll show you The hopeless, the broken, the hobos, The dope and the Hoes, The money, the clothes One closes, one opens But work close-to-open Just hoping to own my own home, But won't: I make 28 cents a minute And cost at least a dollar in sixty seconds, For the record I was dead, and then Got ready in 10 minutes, Then just went in and It still doesn't fit the picture No matter how much I work, I still can't afford to live here; But I can't afford to get a Lyft, Or leave, Or just hop on a plane and grieve the life I've yet to live— But still see every day There's so much money in LA —and I got almost none of it— I went off the grid today, Just for the fucking fun of it, And now I'm off in m 14 minutes, And I'll get to see the Sun again, (Or get hit by a bus again) —as long as that's the end of it, I'm into it. INT. WHOLE FOODS DTLA. SUNRISE It's a whole different motion; I'm here at the Whole Foods each morning A movement, emotion I don't show Case closed, then case open— I don't even know when to hold ‘em Or fold em Toes frozen, i'm going Right home, then… I know him, I hope Cause he blows kisses And I just wish I get dismissed From this matrix And into a dimension With a kitchen I can cook with him in it Amen (Again.) {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2022 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U. “I Said,” Originally written & recorded on 1/03/23 |