Poetry Night Part I

Tell me why The time Is speeding up Frequently, recently Do you see me? I see you in everything Tell me why (Tell me why) All these places, All these faces, All these eyes— Are mine, This time, this time— Sorry I'm Late Shazam You have a way, Of making me hate, making me hate, hate I have a way, of feeling ashamed Feeling the same way, same shit, new day Some things never change These are the ways, we are made (I was made to be famous) These are the ways, we are made (Here it is: now I don't even want it) These are the ways, we are made (I don't need you now, I'm feeling accomplished) These are the ways, we are made (I don't know how, but I'm sitting by the ocean—I've done this l) I don't even trust him But I don't trust myself; If I left the oven on, And left, It shows I'm unhealthy… I'm unhealthy, I guess, But I have two jobs, I don't even want, But I gotta (I don't even want, but I gotta) This is the end, of the begging, or, The beginning of the end; I don't want new friends, I just make my entrance, and end it These are the places I've always been— This is the place where I went, Getting lifted at audiotistic I still want to end it “He's not even in this” But then—he is, cause it's infinite I don't know who he is, But I don't even trust him, I guess I don't trust myself— If I took something off the shelf; I needed it— But it I put it back, I just couldn't afford it; Couldn't have stolen it— I don't have the courage, or I'm already being watched (I'm always being watched, always being talked about— It's awesome/ it's awful It's awesome/ it's awful) (I'm always being watched, always being talked about It's awesome/it's awful, It's awesome/ it's awful) These are the ways, we are made (I was made to be famous) These are the ways, we are made (Here it is: now I don't even want it) These are the ways, we are made (I don't need you now, I'm feeling accomplished) These are the ways, we are made (I don't know how, but I'm sitting by the ocean—I've done this l) My podcast is something, but honestly I don't even want it I don't wanna talk to either of them, But honestly I'm lying, Honestly, it only took a year after writing— To start lying when I looked in people's eyes For them to love me, Or like me. ——— Sometimes, I take little white lines, And turn them into time— I'd rather be a penny than a dime I'd rather give you pity than a thigh, If I was white, I'd probably finally date somebody that's my type— What's he like? I guess I got a bunch of questions I guess I got a test, if so, I'm not guessin, or stressig Guess I gotta keep on taking lessons, I'm regressing I lost God somewhere sitting in LA traffic Now I take a breath: I'm alive, I'm alive! I said to someone, once—if you stop writing, then you die! But when you die, you go to heaven, So I guess that's where I'm headed I stopped writing all the time, Because “I want to live inside And sleep at night,” Amen And, If sleep is the cousin of death, I wonder just how big the family is: If sleep and death or cousins, Are love and hate just twins— Like is and it? Shit. It's this obsession again, It can be pleasant, and then It just isn't—like the business. “Fuck the industry” How I hate myself again, I love this guy, I love his friends I love the beach I love the world But I'm a whale I'm not a girl It's horrible— I'm in a holy war with The Applorables, I guess I hold the Oracle— But if it's worth a house key or a Ford when I'd let go of it, You know? I've been asking Jesus for a house key, But he's busy You make me feel out of my body; You make me feel out of my mind— You make me feel out of this world I feel like we've run out of time It does get worse, you know. What is WORSE. The fame. Whatever that means. It means, at some point, the money doesn't matter. It does matter. Cause at the end of the day you can lock yourself into a nice shiny box with nobody else to fuck you over. But it's still a box. Yeah, your box. I stay offline Fuck these motherfuckers My time is my time So look how filthy rich I am Suddenly, I was constantly surrounded by toxic masculinity—starting with Luke and culminating into an all out horrible revelation—the cost of being a female, surrounded by bad weaves, fake eyelashes, and acrylic nails, the hundreds of thousands of dollars women—especially women of color, impacted by white supremacy to the extreme of buying straightened hair, hiding the locks and curls of nature, because it was presumed ugly by the man-ruled society I popped into the stop and shop Like put your arms up, It's a robbery But all I wanted was some gum And a safe deposit box to put it in! What? We all make bad decisions Bad choices But I haven't thought bad about you just yet Even if you're just like them You're just like them Music with no words, So I can't be reminded of the hurt And how worthless I am And how I don't deserve you Just tunes with no lyrics, for me, please It's easier to listen to nothing Than to listen to “she” And she needs you More than I do Jump off the Eiffel Tower, Just to remind you That I fly higher next lifetime, My idol Don't practice idolatry I just sit beside you and write Look up why Lisa Vanser pump is famous Look up nyc bartending license course/ see if there's a free program Firefighter trainer Lol vanderpump rules Personal trainer cert Ugh what else can I do for money Lol You can have all of em The Annie's The Natalie's The can have anybody's body But want you temporarily For the stardom Or the money, Then they're off and done with ya And I'm still wondering what's wrong with me Cause I always wanted ya Regardless You smell like palo santo and shame So you know where I've been Deadmau5 audio engineering tricks Put a gate on the riser And/or Pan the risers I have a billion guilty pleasures From TMZ to deadmau5 From A-Z It's getting loud So let me out—let me out of here Here's a weird thing that happens. How come some dudes wait until you fall asleep to have sex with you? That's weird, right? Some would call that — Whatever it's called. But I call it weird as fuck. Like— You're gonna wait until i'm all the way asleep to fuck me? Why not ask? —when I'm conscious! Obviously if I'm falling asleep around you, we probably spent the entire day together or whatever- now I'm tired, I want to go to sleep. We can't exactly call that the “r” word. Well, it is retarded. But the other r-word nobody likes. We can't exactly call it that, can we? Cause it's like Maybe I wanted to have sex- Before I went to sleep. But now I'm asleep! Unless we're like actually in a relationship don't do that shit to me! I'm asleep now! Wtf. If you're my husband or my actual boyfriend or whatever, sure. Then it's hot. But if it's like the first date, or we're just hanging out or cuddling or whatever— Don't wait until I'm literally asleep, And then jump on top of me. No. You fuckin creeper. That is weird. Can't call it rape though— Cause then rapists get mad. And nobody likes when rapists get mad. They won't rape you. They'll just raise the cost of living and call it inflation. Hm. They'll just— Pass a new law that makes your life harder and call it “freedom” and “justice” Lol. Shhh. Shut up. I'm not worried about anyone trying to kill me I'm a black woman. Everyone hates us. Even US. Other black women are so fucked up to black women. Nobody's going to kill me. I'm already dead. Residual Skrillex- The Skrillex leftover in your head after listening to Skrillex Man, what the fuck day is it? Right. Does it matter? Nah. Nothing matter.s. Like, at all? Like. At all. I had never had such horrible baby fever in my life—even trying for my son, but perhaps it was because at least then I knew I could always have one. Now, divorced and without much direction at all of how to pull myself up from the bootstraps, even though somehow micraculously I had been given the opportunity I'd rather lemon than lavender; I'd rather be in here than out of here Life's Been Weird. I've been off the map since I got here. Where's here? Between somewhere and nowhere's Right between aomething and nothing. But if nothing is the opposite of something— What's the opposite of everything. Couldn't be “anything” Anything is all of it. All of it is everything. So, what's the opposite of Everything? Calculating… I've been off the map for days Not totally off the grid; There can't be such a thing these days. Especially in New York City The Big Apple Here's the thing about an apple so big— Some parts are rotten. To the core? Maybe not. But here's something: V.O. GOD: Hold that thought. BUS DRIVER LAST STOP! A spell starts working the moment you decide to do it— Much in the same sense, a book can be considered read if you've already decided to read it. It was was more than just a dream, I fiend, I fall for you I come to grieve, Believe me, Evil seeks no need— No things, no bleeding; Clean; Decline to eat And cease to be, At least a week {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.