353 I Know When To Stop December 2017 Tuesday Week 4

Tag Me Tuesdays-#353  December 19 The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast I Know When To Stop I took a break from a personal Facebook page for a few years, and while most would think that would be the end of my life as we know it…it actually was a peaceful time. No constant berating of political posts, no constant complaining of how bad their lives are when their fries weren’t put in their to-go order bag at the drive through, and no competition contests on who’s smarter…better…or whatever people feel they need to do to prove their worth to the world. But this past year I created a new personal account, so I could begin living again (sarcasm implied there incase you missed it)…because I almost didn’t know what to do with myself without any social media…but in all seriousness I wanted to be able to participate in the great things on social media like seeing new family pictures, where people have moved to, and all the great things going on in their lives. And that definitely trumps all the negativity I see people swimming in, daily on their posts. I usually refrain from talking about sports, politics, or math as those are touchy subjects for most. One of my friends posted a math riddle with cute snowflakes, candy canes, and wine glasses…and I was fooled into doing more math than I wanted to…with such cute symbols it had to be fun right??? I answered the math riddle to the best of my ability…but those cute snow flakes and candy canes had me mesmerized to keep looking. As with any riddle, there will be small changes that you may not notice to make the problem a brain teaser…and looking a little closer I saw one of the inconsistencies and changed my answer. To make a long story short I think I changed my answer like 4 or 5 times. Now math wasn’t my strong point in school, in fact I thought I was stupid because I didn’t understand math very well. My father was an engineer and when he would try to tutor me, he would say “why don’t you get this?” And I know he wasn’t saying it meanly, math was easy for him, and he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t good at. And so I told myself I was stupid at math and made sure to not do my homework or think about math any more than I had to. And thus I got the grades that would prove to myself that I wasn’t any good at it. I created a self-fullfiling prophecy for math. Anyways back to the math riddle. In this problem there’s addition and multiplication, but in this problem there were no brackets or parenthesis saying which order should be done first…and so the riddle tricks you in two ways…first you don’t think any parenthesis are needed and just do the math problem from left to right…or if you had remembered the order of operations that we learned in elementary school that exponents are done first, then multiplication, then division, then addition, and then subtraction…which teachers had created an acronym to help students remember the order of operations easier by shortening it to the word PEMDAS…which I never learned that acronym actually. And the interesting thing about doing a little research, is some people will claim that PEMDAS isn’t always correct. And in a video I was watching on YouTube (which I will include on the post on my site), the narrator said that while the order of operations isn’t technically wrong, it’s morally wrong because it turns humans into robots. But I’m digressing because it’s not about whether I was right or wrong it was about a little Facebook fisticuff argument I got into…and whether I should have kept my mouth closed or engaged the way I did. I had posted my last answer on my friend’s post, and someone had said something right before me which seemed condescending to everyone on the post, as he said “the answer is 15 for those of you struggling.” I had a different answer because I had forgotten about parenthesis since they weren’t in the riddle, and answered it as if it was left to right. I had found the small differences they tricked you with by changing addition to a multiplication sign, and changing the icons just a little bit to trick you if you didn’t notice the small inconsistencies. So, I went about my business, and that same person made sure to then comment on my post saying the answer is 15. And my blood was boiling. I hate when people try to correct me instead of just saying their answer and being ok with their answer. It’s not that I don’t want people to educate me, but the way this guy’s post above mine sounded and then feeling to comment on my post…just felt like him boasting about how smart he was. I came to a crossroads as I wanted to say something rude to him, and so I had a conversation in my mind debating whether to say something or not…my brain was screaming at me…”Chris leave it alone. There’s nothing good that will come from this. It will just create more issues than you really want to deal with.” And the devil on my shoulder said… “you know what ‘eff’ it, do it anyways. Say what you want to.” And so I wrote something that got my point across, but wasn’t snarky as I said, Joe maybe we are different, but I like to figure things out on my own, even if I’m wrong.” (The person's name was changed to protect the guilty). And like any good social media fight…that person responded almost immediately as if waiting to goad anyone willing to say anything against him that wasn’t praising him for answering the math riddle the way that he did. And so he responded… “you’re right, we are different. I learned how to do that math in the 1st grade.” And now I knew he was lying…who learned order of operations in 1st grade??? Except maybe Doogie Howser, of course. So the fight was on, and again the dilemma came up…should I let it be or should I engage? Now I took it further than I needed to…but the whole time I tried to remember to be kind and calm. I think sometimes we enjoy getting into arguments to win, and maybe that is what I was trying to do, but I think my way of winning wasn’t trying to prove who was right, but just in moral decency and kindness to another human. So my next response was…”Joe I can tell math is one of your strengths.  It’s not one of mine. That’s awesome you are good at math. One of my strengths is loving people, not trying to prove how much smarter I am than them.” And so we went back and forth a little bit as he called me a special snowflake… I thanked him for showing me how real level of education. I remember in elementary school they said the best way to beat a bully is to not play his game, so “I said I’m sending good energy his way no matter how he felt about me.” He replied back he couldn’t wait to laugh at me when the real world slapped me in the face. And to which I replied…keep watching then…waiting to laugh. Anyways, the humor behind this story is when is it appropriate to stop…if to start at all. I have to remember that sometimes even when I’m trying to be kind… I still may be trying to correct them and get my way. And even if it’s with kind intentions, that still is a sort of manipulation in its own way. I am not saying it’s bad…but I am also not letting the person be themselves. I guess I hope that I can help people to see their anger and unkindness and change their ways. Who knows, maybe it might change them in small subtle ways…not immediately but down the road but maybe when they step away from autopilot of how they engage people. So the question I want to ask all of us…is why are we pursuing a certain outcome? What if we were to pause for a moment instead of getting into autopilot fight or flight mode and ask ourselves, “what do I really want to accomplish here?” We can’t control others and their motives, but we can take a look at ours and instead of going to battle, ask “what’s more important?” There’s the saying, “you can be right, or you can be happy.” And what I take it to mean, is that sometimes we spend so much time fighting to prove how right we are, and how wrong others are…that in the end it’s not about a truth but it’s really just our ego speaking, “saying pay attention to me…look at how important I am.” I’m not angry at the person who I had a disagreement with. I understand his dilemma. And while I may be reaching here and making assumptions, I think there are some hard things going on in his life, and it’s easier to carry that with us wherever we go—than to find the light in our darkness. Whether it be his work environment, his home life, or maybe the personal struggles he’s dealing with…its easy to take allow negativity to cling to us as we spread it without knowledge…because we have let that negativity consume us. So, let’s be wiser today. Even if it’s keeping our mouths closed. Sometimes it may be living in accordance with an old saying… “It’s better to keep one’s mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” Today’s Personal Commitment:What’s the only the tool that gets sharpened with more use? Your tongue Are there times you should have held your tongue? Are there times when you put your foot in your mouth and wish you had taken time to think before speaking? I know when I was younger, my mouth moved faster than my brain. At least it seemed like it, and I would use the phrase it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission as an excuse for me not thinking. There are good merits on both sides of the story, sometimes we need to say things without thinking about them so it gets out and can be discussed, and sometimes we need to hold our tongues to allow less chaos to enter an interaction. Today, before you speak…take a moment to take a deep breath…and then respond. See if you can do this EVERY time you are about to speak. That will take a lot of mindfulness, but I think it can a valuable lesson for you in processing things differently. Who knows you might find you’ll have to apologize less and you might come to some better conclusions. Only one way to find out. So see if you can do it one day out of the week, each week, for the next month and see what revelations you come to. Who knows maybe you won’t have to get into Facebook arguments to get your kicks out of life next time. I Know When To Stop     Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247     Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide