354 I Leave Self Sabotage Behind December 2017 Wednesday Week 4

Wisdom Wednesdays-#354 December 20 The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast I Leave Self Sabotage Behind Punisher Netflix season 1, episode 1 - 21:00… “3AM” Curt: So what about you Frank, what is it going to take to make you happy? Frank: Come on. Happy? Happy is a kick in the balls waiting to happen. Curt: So you kick yourself in the balls first…that’s crazy Lieutenant. Self-sabotage is really only our fears speaking out that we might fail, that something might not be what we thought it could be, or that maybe we aren’t worthy to have what we wish for. We dream big as children, and as we grow up day by day, year by year…one thing after another doesn’t work out as we had hoped…and so instead of seeing it as a lesson that we can’t do everything at once…we see it as a lesson that what we wish for either won’t happen or will let us down. And maybe one reason that is, is because of Hollywood culture that’s thrust in our faces. The happily ever after stories we are continually told, is that everything will work itself out just because that’s how the world works. Yet, that’s only partly true…everything will work itself out, but we have to put effort into meeting the world where it is. And that’s hard because we choose one side or the other and never materialize either side fully. We say we are realists and don’t believe in fairy tales or dreams…we only believe in things we can touch. Or we stay in the fairy tale, being lost in the dreams of our minds because it’s softer than the hard cold world. But we don’t have to be in an only this or only that mentality. We can have portions of both and I think that’s more “real” than one story or the other. In all the things I’ve achieved in my life, I didn’t reach them as fully as I could have because I found it easier to self-sabotage myself…than to believe more in my achieving it fully. It was easier to say I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t deserving enough…or I wasn’t patient enough. I put in the time…but it was taking too long, and so I came back to the real world away from my dreams saying that it wasn’t worth it dreaming towards something that may never happen. And I think when we work towards goals we underestimate a lot of things that dissuade us from pursuing them further or ever again. We underestimate the amount of time it could really take, we underestimate the obstacles that could be in our way, we overestimate the amount of joy it would bring us thinking it will be our answer to save ourselves, and we underestimate our power…as we get burned out from being let down over and over again in the pursuit of our goals. And the reasons I believe we will continually be let down is because we think the goal will save us. We’re always looking to the future saying when this happens…then it will be different. This one thing will take me from the chaos I’m in, and be my ultimate answer…my happily ever after. So we lie to ourselves by saying, “once we get married we’ll stop fighting, once we have kids we will get it together, once I get this job I will make the money I need and handle my money better, once I have this education people will respect me more, once I lose this weight people will desire me more…” or any other desire we can think about…and how it could be our saving grace. A personal training client of mine told me a story about one of his friends who was over 300 pounds. He wasn’t very happy with his life and about the way he looked. This overweight gentleman had been heavy his whole life, and had never had a girlfriend before. He made a commitment to lose the weight, so he could get a girlfriend. And he lost the weight, but he never went out with anyone…and ultimately he committed suicide. He had the idea that if he had lost the weight then he would be more desirable and it would all come together for him in getting a date. Now I don’t know exactly what happened, there are a lot of blank spaces in that story…but my guess is that he never went out and tried to talk with someone, he never tried to ask anyone to coffee as friends, or he never saw the people who were interested in him as he was too afraid to move forward. You see the weight was an excuse for him to not talk with women. It was the excuse he had lived with for most of his life, that he could have someone if only he wasn’t so heavy…and when he lost that weight he couldn’t use that excuse anymore. And his belief system was on overload, as his truth was being put to the test as he had attributed love as being only physical. He believed that losing weight would bring all the pieces together and his expectations of women desiring him would happen because he lost the weight…and when that didn’t happen, it only more brought more disappointment. It shattered the dream that all he had to do was lose weight and it would all come together. And like the gentleman above, we all do this in some sort of manner or another. We believe that a goal, a milestone, or one answer to a problem will be our saving grace. But the “thing” was never the saving grace, it was just one stepping stone in a long pathway of our lives. We look far off in the distance saying once I get there, then I will have made it…instead of understanding you’ve already made it…you just on a journey of experiencing life more fully and learning more along the way. That “one thing” wasn’t your answer…it was just another checkpoint on your map, it was just another footstep on your journey, and it was one dream among many others in your mind to work towards. So I say dream…and keep dreaming. Tell your story of happily ever after…but find a way to fuse it with the reality of the now. Find a way to live in both places simultaneously to know that the goal isn’t the answer, and that the goal isn’t too far too in the distant to reach either…but just another step to work towards. Find ways to have your hands touch this world and not be turned cold by it…have your dreams transform the world as you continue to hope while being grounded in present the moment. They say a goal is just a wish with a deadline…but I think when we do it right it’s also a way to keep our eyes focused on the future while keeping our mind mindful of the steps we are taking in the moment. Your dreams are achievable…especially when you step out of your way. The only obstacle in your way is yourself…let’s step out of our way today. Today’s Personal Commitment:Awaken yourself today what your tendencies and habits to self-sabotage yourself are. Look at some of the things you wanted and failed at, look at the things you had and you lost, and look at some of the things that seemed too far out of reach…and then ask, how you kept yourself from reaching or keeping those things in your life? I know for me when I get frustrated or overwhelmed I go back to old habits that keep me depressed and down. When relationships didn’t work out or I was frustrated being alone, I would subconsciously find people who weren’t good for me…I think it was my way of saying I was meant to be alone and I would go to any depths to prove it to myself to have more chaos in my life. When I get down and depressed or think something will never happen, I get overwhelmed and literally throw my hands up in the air as a giving up sign. I find that I sleep more to calm the voices of failure in my mind. It’s kind of like a place of calm for a bit, but it never really solves the problem…it just sweeps it under the rug for a little bit. I would be better to meditate or journal…so I would be actively working thru the problem instead of fleeing it through my excessive napping at times. Those are only a few examples of my self-sabotaging…what are yours, and how can you do something more proactive to change your direction? Maybe you might be like me, where other people believed more in myself than I did. I had coaches and teachers who saw my potential and wanted to bring it out… but I always came to a wall. Not because they weren’t good mentors, they were great in fact…but they could only take me so far until I could stop sabotaging myself and begin believing more in the power of myself. So how will you stop sabotaging yourself, and begin believing more in yourself today? I Leave Self Sabotage Behind     Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247     Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide