362 I Decide To Be The Chaos Or The Calm | December 2017 Thursday Week 5

Thoughtful Thursdays-#362 December 28 The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast I Decide To Be The Chaos Or The Calm Christmas can bring out the best in people, and it can bring out the worst in people. It’s an environment that brings us in close proximity with loved ones, and even closer proximity to some we may not be able to stand…all while hovering around great expectations of what a holiday should be like. Something I’ve been working to remind myself of—is that the chaos is not around me; I decide to be the chaos or the calm. And since the holidays are over, I thought it would be a perfect time to talk about how we go about our lives unaware of the problem and continuing to choose to be chaos. One of the biggest problems with our happiness levels is by the expectations we put on things or events. It’s great to have good expectations for things…in fact, it’s the only way I’ve made it this far in my life by continually having hope that the best moments are happening in the present…not the past, or the future…but right here right now. It’s about taking our expectations further than just what we think something should be…it’s about being above the situation…meaning that we will not find joy or sadness because of the situation…we will choose to find the calm within ourselves to enjoy wherever we are at the time. For me, this holiday, I found myself getting snippy or annoyed because I was listening more to the voice of what was bugging me at the moment…instead of creating the best voice I wanted to hear in the moment. So, let’s take a trip and time travel as I take you back to my high school days. I used to love reading the funny pages in the paper each morning, and I think this is where guys have been labeled as only having selective hearing. I would be at the kitchen table eating, and no one would be talking to me, but as soon as I picked up the paper to read…my mom would always begin asking me questions…and then she would get mad when I was zoned out not even realizing someone was talking to me. And every morning I would be like, “Ma, you never ask me questions when I’m not reading the paper.” Now I’m sure I was over exaggerating a bit as I probably had some quiet morning reading the funny pages…but I still chuckle about how it seemed to happen like clockwork. So let’s come back to the present…or well, the near present as Christmas was a few days ago. I felt myself getting snippy with family, as I was focusing on what annoyed me. I was focusing on how people weren’t paying attention when certain accidents happened like knocking over the 2-liter bottle of soda because their mind was elsewhere. And thinking about it now, it was me really only focusing on myself and what I saw…not on how people were experiencing their day. That they were having such a good time serving and being in the presence of loved ones that they were moving faster than normal and they were more focused on having a grand old time. So basically, I was letting the small events alter my mood…and what I just said was… “I was letting.” The event didn’t determine how I felt… I did. I decided to put more heed to the negative voice inside my head that people should pay more attention and stupid things wouldn’t happen…thus creating a negative chemistry in me. I was having an expectation of how I would have acted and was putting my expectations on them…judging someone for something silly…and thus I was creating my own negative mood. Now I know this may seem like a silly little example, but I find when I’m going unchecked with paying attention to how I feel most moments, it’s easier for me to be annoyed with how things should be…instead of just living in the moment and letting people be and act how they want, and for me to just be present and enjoy their company. I spent so much of my younger life thinking that I had to be a certain way to be liked, to not be noticed in a negative way…that I hold myself and others to an expectation that doesn’t serve me anymore…and part of that expectation is that we must be perfect and not make silly mistakes. And so the reason I really get annoyed is not because they messed up, but that I’ve chosen an internal dialogue that interferes with my calm. A lot of my anger came from the idea of perfectionism for myself which then I projected onto others. It was this unrealistic expectation I had that what mattered to me should be just as important to others…which caused a chaos within myself, as I was focusing on what others should be doing instead of paying more attention to myself. I know you may not be like me, and you have different triggers…but the question I want to ask is, when do you get annoyed or angry, and why are you getting that way? There are times that are warranted for anger, but a lot of times anger is misunderstood. For example, it’s easier to express anger instead of hurt, it’s easier to get angry when things don’t go perfectly, or it’s easier to put the blame on an emotion instead of saying we made a choice and didn’t make the best decision at the time. Anger is easy to talk about, but if we allow our emotions to go unchecked at times…we then live a life of blame. We say that the emotion was in control of us, when rather it was a matter of being mindful of what we were doing, and how we really wanted to feel. If an emotion is affecting you negatively, and if you don’t take the time to ask yourself why decided to process an event a certain way …then you will always be a person who is lying to yourself. You will be that person who says I couldn’t help the way I am, I just reacted…or you say they made me so mad so it’s their fault. You will be that person… who never takes accountable for their life…and you will never reach true happiness because you’ve told yourself someone or something else is in control of it. I’m as much as fault as anyone here. I’m not perfect, and I find it’s a constant balancing act of being aware of how I feel, and if something feels off then having the courage to go further and find out why I am feeling a certain way that doesn’t feel right to me. Change happens by going to the places that we don’t want to go…the places that scare us, or the places that will take some extra work…but doing the extra work internally to see what’s going on, will make all the difference in deciding whether you will be the chaos or calm in the moment. It will be the factor in deciding whether you’re a person who makes a difference by holding yourself accountable for your life…or being the person who puts the blame on others because it’s easier. You’ll be the person who becomes an avid liar…continually telling yourself that something else was in control of what made you happy or miserable in your life. You will be a person in continual chaos. Today’s Personal Commitment:Take a look at your holidays, and ask yourself how you acted…or reacted. Were there times that you could’ve been more present and collected instead of annoyed or upset with something? Were there times that you could have been more present and found ways to just be in the moment…not trying to change or expect anything from anyone…except to be your best self in the moment? Not everyone is going to be as aware as you, and when we expect others to know what we know, we set ourselves up for failure. But when you focus on how you want to feel, and keep yourself in line with following through with those purposeful emotions…then you create a different energy that not only attracts better things to you, but also influences people differently. You change people by focusing on being in the emotions you want to be in. But remember this, if you’re getting a lot of negative attitude, it might be because you’re too awesome and it rubs people the wrong way. So don’t judge people for being upset at your awesomeness, it’s only natural to envy the astounding person you are…so don’t fault them for being jealous of you. I Decide To Be The Chaos Or The Calm     Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247     Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide