373 Vulnerability Connects Me To Everything | January 2018 Monday Week 2

Mindful Mondays-#364 January 8th  The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast Vulnerability Connects Me To Everything “Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.” ~Chief Seattle A friend of mine sent me a direct message on Instagram sharing a post that said “it’s strange how people that are thousands of miles away from you can make you feel better than the people who are besides you.” and after they shared that quote with me, they said it’s really strange, but I feel like you understand me very well. I responded back, “well, we all are one. As humans, we fundamentally experience the same fears and emotions. They only seem dissimilar from all the different experiences we’ve all encountered as individuals…but we aren’t that different at all. We all are…connected souls…seemingly separated by our physical forms.” And the way I’ve personally found that to be true, is from my own pains and secrets. I dealt secretly with my depression for many years of my younger life. I was embarrassed to let anyone know my sadness, my thoughts of suicide, and what I thought were my weaknesses. I’ve always loved helping people, and so the story I told in my head was that Superman couldn’t show his weaknesses. How can you help someone if you don’t act like you are strong? And so for many years of my life, I hid behind a mask of smiles and laughter so no one would know my pains. I was embarrassed by my so-called weaknesses, but in the end, I was the one magnifying them. By me hiding my weaknesses, I was making it more powerful. However, I found rest from my fears as I was with a friend one night and we were drinking so that probably helped lower my protective walls a bit. I told him my thoughts of suicide and sadness over the years. He listened to my story, as he gave me his full attention. And after I said everything I needed to say, he sat for a moment quietly…and then said…”I’ve felt and had those same thoughts too, Chris.” And that was when an epiphany came to me: that we all are feeling the same way, we just think we’re alone in our battles. We hide our weaknesses thinking we are the only ones who have them and that no one will understand us. But that’s the lie we tell ourselves, to stay in the places we’ve trapped ourselves in. I can’t speak for everyone on why they choose to stay stuck in their fears, but for me, it was the easier way. It was me choosing to reside in my self-pity. And if I stayed there, then I wouldn’t have to change my thoughts and actions. Changing meant I had to do something, and I thought it would be harder to change than stay the same…but, in the long run, it was killing me inside rather than helping me. We think that vulnerability is weakness, but vulnerability is actually being honest with ourselves and with others. It doesn’t mean we have to air all of our fears; it just means that we can be real with people and let them know we struggle at times. Not because we want to stay in the struggle, but we want to be free from the struggle. And for me, keeping my struggles silent was what was keeping me imprisoned. It kept me from releasing my pains, fears, and struggles because I felt they would be a burden on others. I felt that people wouldn’t understand and they would judge me harshly, and I felt that I had to be strong for everyone else so I could help everyone else. In my head, I got comfortable saying this phrase…that my problems aren’t a big deal. No one wants to know what’s going on with me, they have enough of their own issues, I don’t need to add to it. And so I started training my subconscious to believe that I was a burden, that my problems would be a burden to others, and it was better to be quiet about my problems because everyone else seemed to be handling their problems just fine. So I stuffed my problems away silently thinking everyone else had it together, and that others didn’t need me to add to their problems with my uncertainties. But I don’t do that anymore. I’ve gotten in front of big stages to tell my tale of sadness, depression, and thoughts of suicide almost every day from before being a teenager until my early 20s.  When I learned the power of vulnerability, when I learned to share my truths and be real with people, it made me stronger. And I became stronger not by complaining constantly about my problems, but by beginning to air them out to the world, to be real with people, and to hear that they felt the same way I did. And by doing this it helped me know that we all are connected, that we all are struggling, and that we all…are one. That’s when I began to change. I didn’t know how to change at the time, but I knew I had to do something different. And so I began changing how I spoke to myself. I worked to become aware of the negative things I told myself every day, which helped me to become more aware of what I thought about myself. And when I knew the thoughts about myself that weren’t helping me, I then began working on changing those. I see us as eggs. To change the inside, it usually starts with becoming aware of what’s happening on the outside. Yes, I could try to change the egg from the inside, but it usually doesn’t work that way. We need to crack the harder shell first, our negative physical habits, to unearth the truest deepest core of ourselves. So I began working backwards. I began seeing what my physical habits and words were that were causing my unhappiness. I looked at what wasn’t helping me, I looked at what was making me feel worse or stuck in my sadness, and then I began changing it one word, one habit, one second, one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month, and one year at a time. I had to start small to build up to bigger changes. Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s a way of us connecting with ourselves and with others. It’s a way of being real with ourselves and the world. But I believe there must be a balance between vulnerability and strength. When I aired my vulnerabilities, I worked not to stay stuck there. For example, when I would break up with a girlfriend…I’d be so sad. All I wanted to do was talk about it; and so I told everyone who would listen to all the sad feelings that had happened, all the things I did to mess up, and share anything that I could to air the hurt I was feeling. And not that that’s a bad thing, but I think I felt the more I talked about the breakup then the more I could stay connected to that person. And so I talked and talked about hurt incessantly as a way to release the pain, but it was hurting me more because it was keeping me connected in a way that kept me sad. So I think we should be real with people, but we shouldn’t be doing it to stay in the vulnerability; we should be doing it to connect with people, to air our stories and let them know we aren’t perfect but we are real…and that’s what shows our strength. When we do that, we move on, we actively work to leave the sadness and the hurt behind, which in turn helps us to begin living within our strengths and making that a part of our every day lives. Today’s Personal Commitment:What are the things you’re hiding? I’m not saying you have to air your fears or weaknesses to the world, but maybe you can find a way to stop hiding from them or stop sweeping them under the carpet like they don’t exist. Take a look at the vulnerabilities you’ve decided make you weak and ask yourself, how you can be vulnerable to face them instead of ignoring them or hiding them? This is not about dragging up the past to live in it, but it’s about confronting something that matters so you can move from it more efficiently. So, take a piece of paper out, and think about the vulnerabilities that you’ve been hiding—that weakening you because you’re ignoring them or running from them. My mentor Mike instilled within me a saying that he lived his life by, “I don’t fight or flight, I face and forgive.” So how can you face your fears, your vulnerabilities, and forgive yourself in the midst of them? They aren’t your weaknesses, they actually are your strengths. You running from them is what weakens you. Vulnerability Connects Me To Everything   Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247     Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide