400 I Am Quick To Love | February 2018 Sunday Week 2

Smiling Sundays - #400 February 4th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast I Am Quick To Love I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him. Booker T. Washington   I was listening to a video on anger where Dr. Ryan Fuller talked about what happens to us when we get angry. He said when we are angry the body’s response is survival, so it focuses on metabolizing energy, and thus our brain isn’t at its sharpest during these times.   He said some studies have proven that our cognitive abilities slow, as simple math exercises become harder to do when we are angry.   He continued to say that when people experience high levels of anger, especially if they have high trait anger (meaning they experience it frequently) they tend to make riskier decisions. They might do something that’s more hazardous than they normally would, because it has a higher payoff. And that’s why we make silly mistakes, we regret later, when we’re angry. When we are angry, our body is in survival mode trying to consume as much energy as it needs to move forward. And the frontal lobe is not utilized as much during our anger which is linked to higher cognitive functions such as planning and judgment. So during our anger, it could be said that we literally have bad judgment…which is physiologically true.   So anger in itself, while it may be warranted at times, it isn’t the best time for us to use our wisest judgment. Now, asking you never to get angry is unrealistic, but maybe it’s about how you can curb your anger or direct it into something else. Because a lot of times anger really isn’t about the other person it’s about us. It’s about what we are experiencing and then how we decide to process those feelings…and anger is an easy emotion or reaction to let out of the bottle rather than trying to take a moment to process a situation differently.   I was reading a book called Do One Thing Different by Bill O’Hanlon and he was talking about if there was something you wanted to change, you could change the whole outcome of the situation by doing one thing differently. In the book he had the example of a couple arguing all the time. And so they decided to be committed to doing one thing different during their arguments. So every time they argued, they said they agreed to stop immediately no matter what and go together to the bathroom and continue the argument there. If they still wanted to argue they could continue it in the bathroom, but when they got in that small space together and saw how ridiculous it was they laughed about it which changed the whole argument and they made up easier.   What changed in that example was not their anger was snubbed out, but more because of their willingness to do something different to change. And that willingness was to make a pact together first by changing the environment. The environmental change made them laugh, but the commitment for them both to do something to together—to stop arguing and go somewhere else actually connected them. It literally had them moving in the same direction together physically…and then mentally.   So how do we become better at dealing with our anger? I actually see it in a multiple step process. -1) We need to ask ourselves what anger is doing for us, is it helping us or hurting us? I know it seems like an obvious question but sometimes we need to ask obvious questions out loud to come to realizations how boneheaded we’ve been being. -2) To understand that when we are angry we aren’t able to do our best thinking at the time. -3) We need to understand to become more aware of what happens when we are angry so we can begin noticing when we get to those places without being aware of it, and so we can deal with the emotions more efficiently rather than being controlled by them -4) To decide what emotion we really want to be in. If it’s anger then sure, sometimes anger can help us say things we might not normally say, as I said it’s that high-risk high reward scenario. But maybe it’s not really about being angry, but more of being in a place that we feel we can voice ourselves freely in a constructive manner instead of a destructive one.   When we begin to become more aware of what anger feels like, what we do when we’re angry, and what we really want—we awaken ourselves to make better choices. Like in the book Do One Thing Different, it’s about having a bookmark, or awareness ping, within your mind that when you begin acting a certain way you become aware of it and do something different. Because I can guarantee that most of us don’t want to feel angry; we’d like to do something different. But when we say that, “anger is out of my control I can’t help it…” you are essentially telling your mind that it’s ok to be this way and there’s nothing to be done about it…which is a lie to yourself. You are essentially conditioning your mind to act powerless, and claim defeat, without understanding your true power over yourself.   That’s why affirmations are such a powerful tool when we use them efficiently. They are a focal points, they are a pause and a breather to look at what we really want instead of what we don’t want, and they are commands and directions given to the brain over and over again to begin reprogramming your mind. What do you think happens when you keep telling yourself I have no control over my anger, it just happens? You give your mind and body permission to act a certain way without consequence and you give yourself a way out of being responsible.   And maybe that’s what affirmations, really, are all about. A responsibility to be our best selves, and a responsibility to act a certain way to others and within the world.   So, what if you were to make it your responsibility to be slower to anger, slower to judge, and quicker to love and forgive…not just for others and for other things, but for ourselves as well. What if you made it your mission to stop blaming others and decide to take responsibility for how you process events? What if you made it your mission not to punish people or yourself by getting angry but to find a better, more constructive, way to move forward?   The problem isn’t that we get angry, the problem is what we do when we are angry. And that’s why those famous techniques of counting to 10 or taking 10 deep breaths when we’re angry, are so effective when we utilize them in the moment of our anger. They help us to stop the emotion from elevating any more than it already is, it helps us to step back for a moment and become aware of what we really want, and by breathing deeper, we give our body what it needs—oxygen. As Dr. Fuller said, when we’re angry the body is physiologically in survival mode trying to get energy any way that it can. So that oxygen literally gives our body and brain exactly what it needs to help it get out of fight or flight mode more readily.   Anger is fear; and if we let anger control us, we let fear run our lives. So let us be slow to anger and judgment, for it really doesn’t help our cognitive skills. But let us be quick to love and forgive—not just to help others, but because it heals us in the end as well.   Today’s Personal Commitment:Have you ever thought about what you do when you get angry? Are you aware of the signs that are happening as anger is bubbling to the surface? Again, I’m not saying we can’t get angry, but unchecked anger and being unaware of anger ARE the problems. So the next time you’re angry, see if you were aware of what got you to that point, see what you do when you are angry, and see if you can find a way to calm your anger before reacting.   I want to leave you with a quote from Epectitus, “When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”   I Am Quick To Love   Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together, Personal Development Life Coach- Chris O'Hearn Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247     Music by: - Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. - I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license. Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide