117. Detransition, Marriage, Psychedelics and Spirituality with Valerie and LaRell Herbert

LaRell and Valerie Herbert are a married couple with a very unique story. During their time together, LaRell first believed he was a transgender woman and went through full sex trait modification before awakening to self-acceptance as a man. Join us as we explore their journey through somatic psychology and psychedelic integration. How did their relationship withstand the challenges of detransitioning, medical trauma, and identity crises? What impact did their individual traumas have on their journey? Discover the intricate dynamics of their blended family and the unexpected twists that unfolded as they navigated the medical pipeline of gender transition. How did their experiences with therapists and surgeons shape their perspectives on identity and healing? Tune in to uncover the profound insights and personal growth that emerged from their transformative journey.Valerie is a somatic trauma-informed mentor and teacher. She is an earth ceremonialist and weaves wisdom through understanding and learning more about our innate goodness and wildness from connection with Mother Earth and learning from her elements. Although she is classically trained as a systems thinker and understands theoretical approaches and methods of healing trauma, she finds that creating a deep, loving, consistent, and safe relationship and container is how people heal. Valerie helps people remember the wholeness of who they are.LaRell Herbert is a former transwoman who lived for years believing he was a female born in the wrong body. This belief led him to pursue hormone replacement therapy in 2017 at 36 and gender reassignment surgery in 2019, despite being married to a loving and supportive woman. Through introspection and self-growth, LaRell realized his gender identity was rooted in childhood trauma. In October 2023, he de-transitioned and returned to living as his biologically male self. His journey through trans ideology and lived experience as a trans woman has made him acutely aware of the tragedies young people face when sold the idea of medical transition for happiness. LaRell and his wife Valerie aim to raise awareness about the impact of transition on spouses and family members, recognizing that while transition is a personal choice, it significantly affects those around you.Books mentioned in this episode:"The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk"The End of Gender" by Debra Soh 00:00 Start[00:00:00] Identity exploration and transition journey.[00:05:30] Shame and trauma in childhood.[00:11:45] Discovering transgender identity.[00:14:10] Inner dissonance in marriage.[00:18:51] Repression and trauma in relationships.[00:23:02] Transition and addiction parallels.[00:25:46] Taking female hormones' impact.[00:30:42] Hormone effects on emotionality.[00:33:45] Femininity and bone mass.[00:38:17] Fear of suicide and transition.[00:41:22] Blended family challenges.[00:44:32] Relational healing and gender ideology.[00:52:20] Vaginoplasty experiences and complications.[00:53:02] Post-surgical challenges in transitioning.[00:57:08] Gender identity and self-love.[01:01:19] Dissociation and body acceptance.[01:07:00] Gender identity and transition journey.[01:09:58] Gender identity realization.[01:12:55] The journey of self-discovery.[01:17:30] Unique life path and experiences.[01:22:16] Men's initiation retreats.[01:24:43] Best friends with therapist.[01:30:25] Real-life relationships and complications.[01:31:51] The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care. To support this show, please leave a rating & review on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe, like, comment & share via my YouTube channel. Or recommend this to a friend!Learn more about Do No Harm.Take $200 off your EightSleep Pod Pro Cover with code SOMETHERAPIST at EightSleep.com.Take 20% off all superfood beverages with code SOMETHERAPIST at Organifi.Check out my shop for book recommendations + wellness products.Show notes & transcript provided with the help of SwellAI.Special thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our theme song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude and permission.Watch NO WAY BACK: The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care (our medical ethics documentary, formerly known as Affirmation Generation). Stream the film or purchase a DVD. Use code SOMETHERAPIST to take 20% off your order. Follow us on X @2022affirmation or Instagram at @affirmationgeneration.Have a question for me? Looking to go deeper and discuss these ideas with other listeners? Join my Locals community! Members get to ask questions I will respond to in exclusive, members-only livestreams, post questions for upcoming guests to answer, plus other perks TBD. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★