129. Behind the Looking Glass: Vaishnavi Sundar on Trans Widows + Women's Issues in India and Beyond

In this episode, I have the privilege of speaking with Vaishnavi Sundar, a self-taught filmmaker and advocate for women's rights, about her groundbreaking documentary, Behind the Looking Glass. This film delves into the often-overlooked experiences of women whose male partners “transition,” shedding light on the emotional turmoil and coercive control they face. Why is it that these women, often silenced and marginalized, feel compelled to redefine their identities in the shadow of their partners?Vaishnavi shares powerful insights into the dynamics of narcissism and gaslighting that permeate these relationships. How do societal expectations and gender ideology contribute to the erasure of these women's voices? As we explore the metaphor of the "looking glass," we uncover the disturbing reality of men who, in their quest for self-identity, leave their partners feeling like mere ghosts of their former selves.What happens when these women finally muster the courage to leave? What challenges do they face in reclaiming their autonomy and identity? Join us as we navigate these complex questions and hear the poignant stories of resilience and hope from those who have endured this unique form of domestic violence. You won't want to miss this eye-opening conversation that challenges the narratives surrounding gender identity and the often-unseen victims of this movement.Watch Behind the Looking Glass on YouTube.Vaishnavi Sundar is a writer and a self-taught filmmaker from Chennai, India. Through her films, she advocates for the rights of women and girls worldwide. She founded Lime Soda Films about a decade ago with the aim of highlighting themes of social justice, women’s empowerment and education. She is the Founder of Women Making Films (WMF) – a platform for female filmmakers to collaborate and create works of art, and has the privilege to host the work of members from more than 20 countries. Follow her on X @Vaishax. 00:00 Start[00:02:08] Trans widows and their experiences.[00:04:03] Narcissism and gender ideology.[00:09:13] Women's experiences in relationships.[00:12:19] Marital struggles and gender ideology.[00:18:59] Women's voices in transitions.[00:20:25] Questions about gender identity.[00:24:17] Prenuptial agreements and women's rights.[00:30:14] Emotional boundaries in relationships.[00:32:25] Disgust in gender identity changes.[00:39:08] Protective instinct in abuse situations.[00:42:57] Defining identity beyond trauma.[00:46:16] Supporting trans widows and families.[00:51:46] Support for women in distress.[00:52:17] Reassurance for women in abuse.[00:55:48] Radical love and understanding.[01:01:44] Transitioning and identity complexities.[01:04:03] Identity and self-perception struggles.[01:09:08] Creative career shift in India.[01:11:23] Filmmaking as a personal outlet.[01:17:21] Workplace sexual harassment in India.[01:19:35] Gender ideology and women's safety.[01:24:09] Pornography's impact on society.[01:29:58] Women's struggles in a multicultural society.[01:31:20] Domestic violence and helplessness.[01:35:54] Women's rights in rural India.[01:39:50] Anger as creative fuel.[01:43:59] Compassion and anger connection.ROGD REPAIR Course + Community for Parents is available now! Join at ROGDrepair.com and start using the tools immediately. Use code SOMETHERAPIST2024 to take 50% off your first month.TALK TO ME: book a discovery call.LOCALS: Ask questions of me & guests; get early access to new episodes + exclusive content. Join my community.SUPPORT THE SHOW: subscribe, like, comment, & share or donate.EIGHTSLEEP: Take $200 off your EightSleep Pod Pro Cover with code SOMETHERAPIST.ORGANIFI: Take 20% off Organifi with code SOMETHERAPIST.Watch NO WAY BACK: The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care. Use code SOMETHERAPIST to take 20% off your order. Follow us on X @2022affirmation or Instagram at @affirmationgeneration. SHOW NOTES & transcript with help from SwellAI.MUSIC: Thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude & permission.PRODUCTION: Looking for your own podcast producer? Visit PodsByNick.com and mention my podcast for 20% off your initial services. To support this show, please leave a rating & review on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe, like, comment & share via my YouTube channel. Or recommend this to a friend!Learn more about Do No Harm.Take $200 off your EightSleep Pod Pro Cover with code SOMETHERAPIST at EightSleep.com.Take 20% off all superfood beverages with code SOMETHERAPIST at Organifi.Check out my shop for book recommendations + wellness products.Show notes & transcript provided with the help of SwellAI.Special thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our theme song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude and permission.Watch NO WAY BACK: The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care (our medical ethics documentary, formerly known as Affirmation Generation). Stream the film or purchase a DVD. Use code SOMETHERAPIST to take 20% off your order. Follow us on X @2022affirmation or Instagram at @affirmationgeneration.Have a question for me? Looking to go deeper and discuss these ideas with other listeners? 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